just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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