Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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