wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
