Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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