Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
