Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
