I didn't shave. On purpose
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
