Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
