i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
