I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
