you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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