i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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