she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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