please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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