we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
