I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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