Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're like the curious george of whores
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
