Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
