Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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