All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
