I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
