did you get engaged???
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
