I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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