Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
