I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
