just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
