we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to align my fucking chakras
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
