In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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