I just threw up on my dentist
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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