so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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