I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
