If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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