You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
