that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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