He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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