So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
