if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
