I wish life had little blips of pornography
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
