hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
