You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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