Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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