drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
