you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
