Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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