I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think a kid would responsible me up
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
