i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
