i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
