someone threw a dead crab at me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
