How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
