i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
