just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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