Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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