First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
