i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i dont even know how to be here
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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