I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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